Oohhh That Smelll

Current State: About 2 bottles of soju and a pitcher of hite deep

Site: Hotel room, 22 inch flat screen TV with 1 American Channel, 2 beds that are too close together, AC unit, small oscillating fan (so legit)

Smell: Cinnamon? don’t know the cause, though I am very curious.

So Brian and I actually made it out of English Camp.  Was it as bad as we said it was going to be? Answer: Yes.  As expected, we shared a room with 8 other roommates while sleeping on quarter inch thick mats with pillows that were so unforgiving I felt like my neck was sleeping at a 90 degree angle. Ten people did have to share one bar of soap, and thus I could decipher who was who by their unique pubic hair they would leave on that bar of soap, but whatever doesn’t kill you makes you cleaner right?  In all honestly it really wasn’t that bad.   After spending 12 hours each day with Korean children, one was so tired that he or she would be able to sleep standing.

Actually there was just one horrible thing.  One very, very horrible thing.  This thing was a British man named Paul.  To the faithful readers of our blog I need you to take my following sentence to heart and know that I am speaking the God’s honest truth.  British Paul is and will be the smelliest man my nostrils have and will ever come in contact with for the duration of my pathetic life.  He told us he only showers twice a year: Cinco de Mayo and the 3rd night of Hanukkah.  I wish I could give the smell justice through words, but it is simply impossible.  I would rather baptize my skull in an Indian family’s toilet than get within 8 cubic feet of this man.  I would stare as he would carefully and meticulously comb his long hair (that is attached to his ridiculously elongated head) and witness the steady stream of oil leave his thin locks.  The English Camp has this extremely unfortunate tradition of turning the power off during the night, meaning our AC life unit would shut down (remember it is 300% humidity).  Consequently, we would all wake up sweating bullets in this tiny crowded room completely marinated in his scent, with our lungs having had no choice but to suck in his fumes amongst the stagnate air all night.  I felt like a distinguished hunter because from the air outside alone, I could say with absolute certainty where he was, had been, and where he was thinking of going.

But there was more to camp than that.

On the first actual day of camp, all of the TaLK scholars had to sit in every other seat in this two-level medium sized auditorium, and whatever Korean child sat to your right would be your responsibility for the duration of the 4 day camp.  A 12 year old girl with glasses named Jenny ended up sitting next to me.  And boy did I luck out.  She already had a somewhat strong English background and actually wanted to learn more English.  To actually want to learn English was experienced by maybe only 20% of all the children, i.e. very frustrating.  Jenny was the ring leader of her group.  Her friends depended on her to communicate with us what they were trying to say. She would do her best to get her point across even if she didn’t know the English translation (so cute).  She would wear all of her friends’ name tags and carry all of their workbooks.  Her best friend was Brian’s child Marley, who for lack of better words was a little bitch who refused to participate or even attempt to learn English.  And no…until Brian and I, Jenny had never heard her name be said with a Forrest Gump accent.

Other interesting things.  These little Korean children were OBSESSED with my arm and leg hair.  (Remember that Koreans are for the most part, hairless).  Boys and girls alike would rub my arms and legs as if good karma and success emanated from them.  Even this strange girl would pluck my arm hairs one by one and stick them in this ring she had on her right hand, like a strange Korean voodoo mood ring.  As gross as that sounds, I was encouraging it.

One of my favorite quotes of camp:  “Hey, do you think this is chicken?” (being interrupted by an authentic Korean) “no….this is pigeon.”  Needless to say the food was suspect.

So now we are on the final leg of orientation.  In about a week we will finally have our own school and classes.  Definitely super scary.  I feel like our 2 week orientation was just to prepare us for the camp we just went to.  Like if I went home right now, I would be able to say I had a great time and a crazy adventure.  When it comes down to it, we haven’t done anything yet.  It has almost been a month, and we haven’t even started the mission of why we came here in the first place.   I cannot begin to imagine what these next five months are going to feel like.

Fun Fact:  Our English speaking leader was named Steve.  By the end of camp, everyone would only refer to him as “BIG Steve.”  This is a reference only my Davis viewers will understand.

Korea for Dummies: South Korea has a republic government, with authority and power shared between the President, the Legislature, and the Courts.